D: Hi all, and welcome to All Our Brave Hearts! I am Danny and I am a nonspeaking autistic man and advocate.
T: So, just to clarify: obviously, he's speaking right now, but what the "nonspeaking" means is that he can't rely on speech alone as a reliable form of communication.
D: That is helpful.
T: And I'm Tara, his sister and primary Communication Regulation Partner (CRP). Danny uses Spelling to Communicate or S2C. You can probably hear him tapping out his letters on a laminate board with the alphabet printed on it. He often reads his own words aloud, as you've heard. Other times, I'll read them if he doesn't have the energy or coordination at the moment to read his own. Other times, he prepares his remarks ahead of time and has a selected text-to-speech voice read them out loud. So those are your three modes of expressing your voice.
D: I am so anxious today!
T: What... today is, what? November 5, 2024? Is there something going on today? Why are you anxious? I have no idea.
D: Oh Tara... Election Day!
T: Yeah. Election Day! I think that a lot of us have been anxious about this for a while, Danny. It's almost kind of a strange relief to have it be Election Day, although it might take a few days to know what the results actually are. But yes, definitely feeling the anxiety, too.
D: Red letterboard! I have more to say about it later. But for now, our question!
T: So at the beginning of each episode, we ask each other a standard question. The question we're asking these days is: what is something brave you've done recently? What's your answer, Danny?
D: I would say that this episode is brave.
T: I suspect I know why you say that, but I'm wondering if you want to divulge any more for our listeners in the meantime.
D: I am sharing my convictions and firm beliefs in a way that might alienate some of my social media followers and some of our listeners.
T: Well, that's the tricky thing about integrity, but also wanting to remain accessible to as many people as possible. It's something that needs to be weighed out. Like, how much you should say based on those firmly held beliefs, and when you can say it and how, versus what can go unsaid without you feeling like you are letting your integrity.
I'm not elucidating it very well, but those of you out there can understand what I'm trying to get at. Maybe this election anxiety is scrambling my brain. I can't find the right words.
D: I am scrambled! I am proud to speak my mind on this.
T: Well, it's an honor to get to be by your side when you're doing this brave thing.
D: How about you?
T: How about me... I think I'll go with: in the past couple of weeks, I've started more and more ideating a goal for my other career in conservation, that's been kind of simmering in my brain for a while (maybe simmering's the wrong word, that's too active). It's been kind of hanging out and tugging at my brain that I haven't been doing more with it. But it's an idea for a project that I think will be useful and exciting and hopefully be an income source for me. But I felt quite timid, hesitant about it.
I'm wrapping up some of my conservation contracts for the year, so I'll have a little more time on my hands to invest in being creative and developing new ideas. So I've started sharing this idea with respected friends and colleagues to get their feedback, and even just sharing it, reaching out to people and saying, "hey, I have an idea, and... I need help, I need your advice" and being brave enough to explain that idea to people. Kind of exposing that idea from the shelter of the dreams in my heart where it's very cozy and not under much scrutiny, and put it out in the open, that felt a bit brave and also exciting.
I'm being deliberately opaque about it because it's still very much in the squishy stages of being developed. But hopefully next year I'll be able to share more about it.
D: I love that! Now let's dive in!
So the election is here, as we post this. I am not a US citizen, but I am following things and I am stressed. I know many of us are. At the risk of alienating some of you, I am so praying that Trump doesn't win. I try to keep my content neutral on such topics. But as a disabled immigrant, and a human who values true democracy, integrity, and ethical conduct, I can't help but be disgusted by him and all who enable him. I know the Democrats aren't exactly shining beacons of integrity or serving the greater populace. But they are doing many good things for us. And Trump spews toxic hate and has infected this country. I am shocked so many believe he is a suitable leader.
T: I definitely feel the passion of your convictions in this, and they're convictions that I share, too. I know you've been really careful to try to be as neutral as possible on your social media and advocacy in general. Neutral might be the wrong word; you have been careful to not bring in issues that were outside of what you were speaking to. So, there are a variety of different belief systems that people can have, and they can still come together on agreeing that nonspeaking individuals need more rights, need better access to communication, deserve to have fulfilling lives with dignity. I know you haven't wanted to make anyone feel unwelcome on your online spaces, and that you wanted your messages to reach as many people and do as much good as possible.
So I really see and appreciate what a meaningful step it is for you to decide to take this stand and to share it on your platform, publicly. I do understand why you've chosen to do it - there's many reasons, I suspect - but for those who say that, "why is he bringing politics into this?" Well, it's never just politics, right? Politics often comes down to how we believe people should be treated. And in this election, we're dealing with two candidates who have a very different approach and attitude toward disabled people.
Trump has literally mocked disabled people and said they don't really deserve to be around. Whereas the Harris campaign has put forth meaningful solutions to make caregiving, for example, much more accessible with better coverage for in-home care, for example.
I would say that just the way in which the different candidates conduct themselves. One is clearly more vitriolic and hateful, spewing hate, and fostering and encouraging hate, and acting in ways that are really concerning when it comes to a democracy when the rights of everyone should be respected.
So I don't think that it's out of line for you to be saying this at all. I don't think you're bringing this in in any kind of extraneous or unnecessary way just to make a point. I think it totally fits in with everything that we've been talking about in this podcast and that you've been talking about in your advocacy.
D: I agree totally.
T: And I will say that, in recent week, my Spelling to Communicate clients - the nonspeakers that I work with - all of those who have open communication with me have expressed intense distress about this election. And a lot of it comes down to this dismay and disappointment and anxiety caused by how hateful the rhetoric is these days.
And we could get into the issues of how nonspeakers, like anyone else, deserve to be kept up-to-date on the news and to have the ability to discuss their concerns and fears with family members... but maybe that's a topic for another time.
I just want to say that the heated nature, the very hateful and antagonistic nature of how we discuss politics these days is so toxic. Very anxiety-inducing.
D: That is my main motivation for this episode. The appeal of hateful antagonism is a sign to me that people are hurting. I think that people don't feel heard or cared for. The anger comes from pain. It is so sad, because anger pushes away any chance for true understanding. The hate blocks the opportunity for healing. So the underlying issue of being neglected or being left behind is never addressed.
T: I agree with that. I do think that a lot of the hate we're seeing, a lot the anger, does come from people feeling neglected, and being fearful of their future of their well-being, their livelihoods, their families. I will say that I do believe that some people are just hateful, especially those who are not being left behind - let's say, those who'd be part of the potential oligarchy, like the billionaires, the corporations - I don't see that the hate that they're encouraging and directly and manipulating comes from them not being cared for.
But the fact that there are many people, and many types of people, in this country who do feel left behind and not looked out for, that's ample fuel for anyone to get in there with their rhetoric and manipulation.
Even in our personal lives, when people have - in some cases - when they've been very hurtful, very angry, it's because they feel at some level that their need for care isn't been met.
So I totally see what you're saying, and I agree with it. It breaks my heart to hear what people in this country are going through. Even we as a family - you with your disability, us being in one of the most expensive cities out there and being part of the faltering middle class - we're also struggling.
D: I am so feeling empathy for them.
T: And I will also add, some people are just hateful, even if they're not rich. Some people are just racist or sexist or whatever. And I know the generous spirit in you likes to believe that there's a reason, that there's a hurt person underneath all that. But I'm a little more guarded in how I view people like that.
D: Maybe. But I think sometimes I am more pessimistic and others I am more generous.
T: That makes sense.
D: I have felt this pain in so many ways. Disabled folks all do. I have felt anger at my position on the margins, at my family's financial insecurity, at schools and medical professionals and society in general. I have at times felt anger at family members who didn't act in ways that I needed. I am angry about so much.
But I am not giving in to hate. That only degrades me. I want to instead find connection. I want to find care for my pain. I am not going to grow from hate of scapegoats. I see the causes of my oppression are not others who are also on the margins, but those wielding wealth and power. If my anger is directed at anyone, it is at them.
T: I agree, you have plenty of reasons to be angry for how society has treated you. I also feel like I have reasons to be angry. We all do, or at least many of us do. But inquiring into what that anger does is important. I see anger as being potentially useful. It can drive people to make change. It can drive people to stand up for themselves or for others who need support. At a certain point, though, it becomes toxic. It eats away at us, it drives us to do things without mindfulness and to direct the force of that anger in ways that don't make sense or don't lead to anything productive.
I think, in the short-term, that toxic anger gains a satisfaction from being hateful, from turning anything in life into a competition with sides, and it doesn't even really matter what the game is, it just matters that you're winning and the other side is losing. That kind of anger has gone too far and corrupted how we do things.
I think in a lot of social justice movement, the anger of people - like what you feel from your treatment - has been a really powerful motivating force. That's an anger that's used for good.
Danny, I feel like I'm so inarticulate today. Let's chalk it up to Election Day jitters, even though I've already done all I can do about it.
D: I am not thinking you are inarticulate.
T: Thank you, Danny.
D: So now that I have gotten the rant out, I want to turn to how we all need care. I would say many of us long for it. How can we be better at caring for others? How can we build community around care?
Care is our defense against hate. I am finding that I am surrounded by care in my family and friends. But I feel the lack of care in the broader world. Or maybe I am sensing that based on painful experiences of being overlooked or bullied in the past. Either way, I feel a vast emptiness of care for my disabled experience in wider society. That is scary to me.
T: I feel that for me, and also for you, and for vulnerable people. As something who feels responsible on some level for your safety and well-being, it's really on my mind when you're out and about in the world. And it does feel like a kind of vacuum - if you're not around people who we know and trust when you're out there, I just have this fear because people are ignorant of your disability and of how to help you. At the worst, they might be hateful about it. They might treat you disrespectfully or even aggressively or violently. So it does feel very bleak.
At the same time, I will say that - especially recently, for whatever reason - I've been really surprised by the care and curiosity that people show, to learn more about how they can help you, even though they don't have anyone who's disabled in their immediate lives. I do think that we tend to underestimate how generous, how kind, how good people can be.
But at the same time, you want to balance that with the reality that there are some people out there who are actively bad, or apathetic, or ignorant.
D: It is hard because you never know who you are going to run into.
T: That's right. The presence of a kind, generous person, in a setting than any of us end up in, is not guaranteed.
It's like that argument, when men reply to women's sharing our experiences of feeling unsafe or being harassed or assaulted, a lot of men will say, "well, not all men!" Well, technically, that's true. But for me as a woman going about in the world, if I'm in a situation that feels a little sketchy with a strange man I don't know, I don't know what kind of man that is. So in that moment, it doesn't matter that not all men are like that. It matters that a lot of men are like that, and I don't know what particular kind of man is in that situation.
I notice a contrast when we're in truly inclusive spaces, like Motormorphosis conference which is for nonspeakers and is totally filled with nonspeakers, their families and support teams, professionals who work with them and respect them: being in public in that setting felt so much more liberating and so much more joyous and so much less stressful than being in a similar situation with a different set of people.
And... I'm gonna end my rambling bit right now. Oh my goodness, Danny!
D: Tara, it is all good!
T: Thank you, hon.
D: I am also wondering how I can contribute to a more caring world. I am driven by this. But I feel limited in what I can do as one person.
T: It can be daunting to see these larger problems and be like, "well, I'm just me." But you, Danny, of all people: you went from having no reliable communication and being totally overlooked by most of society, like four and a half years ago, to having 5000 followers on Instagram and 6000 on Facebook (those numbers might go down if a lot of those people don't like what you had to say about Trump earlier, and that's too bad). But you as one person, you're reaching a lot of people. We regularly get stopped by people saying what an inspiration you've been to them and their family, especially to other nonspeakers who look up to you and feel less alone.
D: Shucks!
T: Haha! I suspected you were going to say that.
And even if you weren't on social media, in your immediate life in our circle of family and friends, you have made a difference. Even with just me, you've shown me so much more care than I ever knew I could experience in this life. You've done that for all of the family. And you've let us become better at caring for you. So it might feel small, and maybe it won't snowball into structural change, but you've made this difficult world much easier for those of us who you care for. It's made it easier and more beautiful for us to exist. I know it can seem overwhelming, but you are doing a lot. All of us can do a lot.
D: I am blushing!
I know there are complex systems in place that don't serve the most vulnerable or in need. I know we can't just all hold hands and love away societal problems. But there is a lot that care can do. As large as the world's problems are, individual connection and care are the building blocks of change. So what we do as individuals to show care for others does matter.
So that is my main point: all we do to care about others is worthwhile. I am reminding myself of that in my Election Day anxiety. I hope it resonates with you.
T: I really hope that this trajectory toward so much conflict and hate, that something happens and people realize that it's just too much, that we can't live this way, that it's miserable. Even for the people who feel like they're "winning" by saying obnoxious, hurtful things, I have to think that for a lot of those people, it doesn't feel very good, deep down inside. I don't know.
I do hope that we're all able to make things better through our care. And when we see someone who's neglected and in need of care and afraid of something, that we maybe - as the name of this podcast is - are brave enough in our hearts to reach out and see what kind of connection we can offer to that person.
I wanted to end with a couple of quotes that are really relevant to the points you've raised. So this is a quote that is engraved on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s memorial in Washington, D.C. "I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."
I hope he's right. I like the sentiment of his words, and I choose to believe them.
And then Cornel West - I got to see him talk in person once, and I got to hear him say this in person, and it was so powerful. He says: "Justice is what love looks like in public."
D: I love that. I am so full of love for you all.
T: Thanks to those of you who listen to Danny and follow him, and the community we all exist in: it's not just Danny's life, but our whole family's life, has become more full and more rich, and less intimidating, just because we're not alone. We know that we have this community of care, even if it's mostly online. That's a really wonderful thing for us to learn from and to appreciate.
D: I am so agreeing with you.
So that is it for this episode. I am so glad I can share care through this podcast. Tara, send us off!
T: Okay, so that's the end of another episode. Take care, everybody. If you're listening to this on the day we post this, or the few days after, I hope you're taking good care of yourselves. I'm really hoping for the best for this country, especially for the most vulnerable in it.
As always, thank you so much for being with us. It really is so meaningful to feel like there is a community to share these ideas and care with. Please like and review and share and subscribe, all the things that you can do to improve the visibility of this podcast so we can reach more people and inspire more people to be caring!
D: I am so wanting more comments!
T: You heard it! Danny would like more comments. So please send them along. You can also donate to Danny's Ko-Fi account. You can read the transcript at AllOurBraveHearts.substack.com. You can learn more about Danny at @DannyWithWords on Instagram and Danny With Words on Facebook, and DannyWithWords.com. Anything to add?
D: No. Take care of yourselves!
T: Take care. Bye!
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